Book Review & Summary "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" is Carnegie's most successful inspirational classic, which brings together the most essential parts of Carnegie's ideology. The book was first published in 1937, and it became popular all over the world as soon as it went on the market.
It has been translated into almost all major languages in the world over the past few decades. The total global sales volume has reached more than 150 million copies. It is regarded as the "Bible" of social psychology and communication skills...
It has changed the fate of millions of people. Edison, the king of invention, Einstein, the originator of the theory of relativity, Mahatma Gandhi of India, Walt Disney, the father of "Mickey Mouse", Levy and his son, the creator of the miracle of the construction industry, the hotel giant Hilton, the self-made Taiwanese plastic king Wang Yongqing, McDonald's The founder of Ray Kroc, etc., are deeply inspired and influenced by Carnegie's ideas and views.
Book: How to Win Friends and Influence People
About the Author: How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Dale Carnegie devoted his life to the study of human nature issues and created a unique way of adult education that integrates speech, sales, dealing with people, and intelligent development.
His masterpieces "Weakness of Human Nature", "Advantage of Human Nature", "Beautiful Life" and "The Art of Communication" are popular all over the world and are regarded as classics by various countries and classes, and countless readers have embarked on the road to success.
Half a century after his death, his book is still at the top of the New York Times bestseller list in the United States, and has been hailed as "a miracle in the history of human publishing."
Featured Book Summary
- Those who only care about themselves are uncivilized ordinary people. No matter how highly educated they are, they are uncivilized.
- Education is the ability to solve life problems.
- Interpersonal skills determine my popularity, my well-being, and my self-worth.
Readers recommend: How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie
The book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is written by Carnegie. It is estimated that many people have heard the title of this book. People do have many weaknesses. Have you heard of its other name "How to Win Friends and Influence Others"? The name actually better sums up the content of the book.
At the end of the long vacation and returning to the workplace, there will be many problems at work. If every problem can be solved well, it is actually a gift.
So how to solve it satisfactorily?
Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends & Influence People" gave the below answer, let's look at three of them.
1. Gentleness and kindness are always better than violence
There is a parable about the sun and the wind that I have always been impressed by:
The sun and the wind were arguing about who was stronger, and the wind said, "I am stronger. Did you see the old man in the coat over there? I bet I can get him to take off his coat faster than you."
So the sun hid behind the clouds. The wind was blowing so hard that it almost formed a tornado, but the stronger the wind, the tighter the old man held on to his coat.
The wind finally subsided, willing to admit defeat. The sun came out of its head from behind the clouds and looked at the old man with a smile. Gradually, the old man's frowning brows loosened, and he took off his coat and held it in his hands. The sun said to the wind that gentleness is always better than violence.
People who understand the truth of a drop of honey practice the principle of gentleness and kindness in work and life. This is also mentioned in the Tao Te Ching: people are weak in life and strong in death. The life of plants and trees is soft and brittle, and their death is also withered.
Therefore, those who are strong are those who die, and those who are weak are those who live. Therefore, if the army is strong, it will be destroyed, and if the wood is strong, it will be broken. The strong go down, the weak go up. Negotiate in a friendly way, and things may work out unexpectedly.
2. Listen intently
There is no shortage of talkers in this world, and most of us want to express our opinions and ideas through various channels, whether online or offline. This is where the listener becomes especially valuable.
I have a friend who a lot of people find very talkative, inspiring, and fun. He has also done a lot of successful things. But in fact, he told me he was just a good listener and encouraged the other person to talk more.
If you aspire to be articulate, learn to listen attentively. Ask the other person questions they like to answer and encourage them to talk about their experiences. Remember, the person you're talking to doesn't care about you and your problems, but is much more interested in themselves, their desires, and worries. If you want to get your job done, pay more attention to your customers, your partners, and their missions.
Everyone is a part of the vast land. Most people want the same things and don’t want the same things. Most people can’t be happy when they smell it. Even if the other party is wrong, he will not admit it. The wise replace blame with understanding. There are very few people willing to do so, which makes them stand out.
Everything happens for a reason. There is a reason behind every thought and behavior. Once the motive is found, the temperament of the other party is in control. Therefore, don't put yourself in the other person's shoes and think about the problem. Seriously ask yourself, "If I were him, what would I think and what would I do?" This will save you time, avoid unnecessary trouble, and improve your interpersonal skills. "Once we understand the cause of yesterday, we stop obsessing about the effect of today."
"Stop and look at yourself," writes Kenneth Goode in his book, How to Turn People into Gold, "how concerned you are with your personal affairs, the There's just so much indifference in the world. But the world is like that. Just by recognizing that, you've captured the essence of human relationships, like Lincoln and Roosevelt. Empathy is the winning formula for dealing with the world."
"The biggest purpose of education is not to increase knowledge, but to increase action." Today is a friend's birthday, I wish her to do better in the three areas of tenderness, listening, and empathy, not just one step, but every day There is action, and there is awakening from time to time. Colorful Books, Colorful Life, Happy Red Blood Day Tuesday!
Book Summary: How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie
The book became a household name more than a decade ago, and it was always recommended in the mail-order book ads in the best-selling Reader magazine that year. I just graduated from high school, and I didn’t enter society at that time. The so-called social interaction was only a single relationship between classmates.
My family also regarded us as children. Any ignorant words and deeds were tolerated. People respect it. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" was read as a collection of short stories, and the effect on me at that time was not much different from that of "Story Club".
Entering the society after work, no one is an island, how important is effective communication skills, there are many people you should put aside your prejudice and cooperate with them, or you need to win the other party's like in the process of sales, as a superior, you need to guide employees, and counter Coming over as a subordinate sometimes also needs to motivate the leader.
80% of the effect of communication is the emotion in the communication process, and 20% is the content of the communication. This book is to guide that 80%.
Tips to improve the efficiency of using this book
- When reading, stop and think about the content you are reading, mark the useful suggestions, and ask yourself where you can practice these suggestions, which is also convenient for you to review in the future, and the knowledge points themselves need to be constantly reviewed To turn theory into the habit.
- Set up your own record book, record the mistakes you make every day or the areas that need to be improved, and introspect or self-assess every weekend, you will find that you make fewer and fewer mistakes, and your ability to deal with people improves rapidly.
- Record your experience of applying these principles.
Basic interpersonal skills
- Don't criticize, don't blame, don't complain.
- Sincerely thank and praise others. People have the need to be respected and want to "feel important". Imagine a boss who can find your shining point at any time, and praise you from the bottom of your heart. How can employees not be more dedicated to Work?
- Stimulate the needs of others / to think about the needs of others
Six ways to win the love of others Focusing on others from the heart, rather than winning the attention of others, is the key to making friends.
Deliberately pleasing others or focusing on yourself is futile.
- Sincerely care about others. If you want friendship, don't be afraid to do something for others, even if it takes time, energy, generosity, and consideration for it.
- Remember the other person's name
- Listen intently and encourage others to talk about themselves. Unpleasant behavior: Don't listen to the other person, just talk about yourself; when someone else is talking about something, just cut in without waiting for the other person to finish.
- Talking about things the other person is interested in is a good way to arouse the interest of others. Whether it is deliberately preparing conversations that others are interested in like Roosevelt, or listening after arousing the other's interest, it is conducive to expanding one's own knowledge.
- Sincerely let the other party know how important he is.
How to make others think what you think
1. There is only one way to win an argument, and that is to avoid it. Refuting others, but what's the point of that, win or lose, we can't change other people's minds. Benjamin Franklin once said, "Arguing, complaining, and refuting may bring temporary victories, but you can never win the other's respect through apparent victory."
2. Respect other people's opinions and never say "you're wrong". We can't change his perceptions by correcting his wrong views, that will only irritate him. So, if you're sure, if your friend says something wrong, try saying something like "I didn't think so, but I guess I'm wrong. I make mistakes all the time. Let's get the facts straight." Instead of arguing with clients, lovers, or enemies, point out their mistakes gracefully rather than pointing out or angering them.
3. If you're wrong, admit it firmly and decisively. A foolish person only excuses the blame, and frank admission is the testimony of a noble person.
4. Communication starts with friendliness.
5. Let the other person nod and say "yes" / guide the other side to agree.
6. Let the other side lead the conversation. If friends are better than us, they will feel important; if we are better than them, some of them will feel inferior and even jealous. Friends who are close friends are more willing to talk about their achievements in front of us, please give them time to speak and listen patiently.
7. Follow the temptation and let the other party come to their own conclusions. We love being asked about our wishes, our needs, and our thoughts, and in such conversations we often feel like we're being valued. We like to make our own decisions, not those imposed on us. When selling, "play hard to escape", especially for customers with strong autonomy, let him make his own choices.
8. Compare your heart to your heart. Before speaking, in addition to clarifying the purpose of communication, you should also consider whether you are willing to listen to these words if you are the other party. If you want the other person to agree with your point of view, please accept the other person's point of view first.
9. Be considerate of the thoughts and wishes of others. "I don't blame you at all for thinking that way. If I were you, I'd feel exactly the same way."
10. Stimulate the noble sentiments in the other person's heart. "You are an honest and trustworthy person who will live up to our expectations"
11. Dramatize your thoughts. When selling your ideas, you need to be specific and vivid in order to better attract people's attention, impress and make them accept your point of view.
12. Stimulate the law. Humans have a desire to surpass others and can use this to inspire others.
As leaders, how to change others
We often leave patience and emotional intelligence to leaders or clients, but ignore their self-esteem when communicating with subordinates, family members, parents, and children.
- If you want to suppress it first, it is like applying anesthesia when pulling a tooth. Before criticizing, you must first affirm the other party, and then point out the problem and encourage the other party.
- Soft criticism. For sensitive people, direct criticism can arouse strong hostility, while indirect pointing out mistakes can be extremely effective.
- Before criticizing the other person, talk about your own fault.
- Replace commands with guidance/suggestions.
- Give each other enough face. We do not have the right to say or do things that make the other person feel inferior, and hurting the self-esteem of others is also a sin.
- Praise others for every little improvement. All the principles taught in the book are not advocate tricks and tricks, and can only be effective if they come from the heart.
- Inspire others with a reputation, and they will live up to your expectations.
- Encourage the other person to make a change, not beat the other person.
- Make the other party willing to do things for you:
- Seek truth from facts. Please don't promise what you can't do. Forget your own self-interest and pay attention to the interests of the other party;
- The purpose is clear. Know clearly what you want the other person to do;
- Have empathy. Ask yourself what is the real needs of the other party;
- Think in a different position. Think about what benefits the other party can get by doing things for you;
- Exchange of benefits. Find the combination of the above benefits and the needs of the other party;
- Show your attitude. When making a request, explain to the other party how he can benefit from it.
This is an effective way for any communication to be achieved.
Book Review of How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie
The book I am sharing with you today is "How to Win Friends and Influence People". I believe that many of my friends have already read it. This is also a book that deeply influenced me. Whether you want to improve your relationships, lead others, make people like you, or influence the decisions of those around you, this book is sure to be a must-learn lesson in your life.
I will share with you 6 key points that inspired me from this book.
The first, and what I think is the central inspiration of this book, is a genuine interest in others.
Others are not interested in you at all, nor in me. They are interested in themselves, in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening. Everyone is the protagonist in their own mind, and they have their own heroic journey to go. The time to focus on yourself is 22 hours a day, one hour is for your loved ones, another hour is for other people, and you are just one of the others. If you want to be interested in yourself, be genuinely interested in others first.
When I was in middle school because I always felt that my relationship with others was very bad and I was eager to be recognized by others, I wanted to look for books that could manipulate self-willed ness, and "How to Win Friends and Influence People" was exactly what I wanted, and I thought I could start manipulating human nature. Win friendships, influence others, and the life of a pickup girl is about to begin.
The book argues that what people care most about is themselves. It's like when we look at the whole class photo, the first thing we look for is ourselves, and then we look at other people. So what do you do when you're interested in someone else?
We start getting to know each other first and always want to ask each other the right questions.
"Where do you live?" "What does your family do?" "How is your work?" "Why?" and so on, like peeling an onion, asking questions layer by layer, just like an interview.
This method works really well when you just meet new people. You can build intimacy with the other person very quickly, but if you keep asking, the other person will start to get bored, thinking, "How can this person be so selfish? I want to output for a week, and I don't share anything. "At that time, I misunderstood the principle of "being interested in others", thinking that if you keep asking questions, others will like you.
That's when I met a girl I liked and was "interested" in her every day and kept asking her questions. Then I also remember that Carnegie said to praise each other, which is what people like to hear. As a result, the goddess found me annoying after a week. Whenever we meet, I always want to avoid me, and I have a new boyfriend in the second week.
It seems that the most important thing a goddess lacks is praise. If you praise too much, the other party will only summarize you as one of the "many suitors". Later, I read "Battlefield of Money and Color" and learned about "the value of others in your heart". You must learn to play hard to find a partner. The more obvious your intentions are, and the more you make the other party feel that you need her more than you, the less she will cherish you.
That's how people are, the more you treat him, the less they know how to cherish them (so I will cherish people who are kind to me later). It seems that I misunderstood the meaning of "How to Win Friends and Influence People", it mainly wants me to win a friendship but find a partner.
Of course, I still think the mentality of being genuinely interested in others is the beginning of a good relationship. But when we ask questions to others, we should also share our own experiences and ideas in a timely manner, so that the other party can establish a real connection with us. Otherwise, you understand her, but she doesn't understand who you are. It's hard to hold a place in the other person's heart. It's like you travel to Paris without leaving your love locks behind.
Here is also a very simple self-examination standard for you:
When you find yourself talking "me, me, me", with too much self-centeredness, it's definitely not a good relationship. Then you have to learn to be interested in others.
And if you find yourself talking "you, you, you" all the time, you may have a lot of relationships at this time, but it may be a general acquaintance. If this is the case, we need to share our experiences a little more and connect with others on a deeper level.
Carnegie said that if you are always interested in others, you will make more friends in two months than if you try to attract others to care about you in two years.
Keep a curious mind to explore, how does the other person spend their time, and what are the times that excite them? Both are a good start for us.
Second, keep smiling at others.
Why are dogs the most beloved animals in the world?
They don't need to work, you don't need to work, and you play every day, so they are very lovable. Even if you scream and bite and poop, your shit shoveling officer will still obediently bring food to it. On the other hand, other animals, such as cows and horses, are exhausted and half-dead every day, yet they are beaten and scolded. This is because when dogs meet humans, they always run toward us very sincerely and happily. Tail wagging at us as a sign of kindness and joy. This is what happens when we smile genuinely at others, you are communicating to them: "I like you very much, I am very happy to see you". Who would hate such a person? This is why pistachios have no enemies.
To do this, genuine interest in others is a prerequisite. As long as you are interested in other people, you will naturally feel very happy when you meet other people. Smiling is such a natural occurrence. Remember that a smile doesn't cost money, so make good use of it.
Third, remember other people's names.
Carnegie once said: "A person's name is the best and most important language in the world." When you meet someone, if you can call his name correctly, this inadvertently implies You take him very seriously; but if you call someone by the wrong name, you will embarrass them and leave a bad impression.
When we first meet a new friend, we can repeat his name. If the other person's name is difficult to pronounce or you don't know how to write it, you can ask the other person to write it on your mobile phone. I really appreciate his method.
And recently, I started to keep a character diary. After I met a new friend, I began to record the person's appearance, personality, conversation content, how he made me feel, and what I learned from him. What kind of things, what kind of inspiration, etc.
Fourth, focus on purpose, not winning or losing.
Many times when we have different opinions, or when things don’t develop as we expected, we can easily become very emotional, and when we see each other, we can’t help but want to blame others. is not. It's easy to argue at this point that even if we win, it's a very short-lived and empty victory, but in the end, it might make it even worse.
Therefore, if we want others to agree with us, the first step is to avoid disputes. Always remember what your purpose is, and ask yourself whether such an argument will help things move forward.
I get irritated every time my team member doesn't complete the task at the agreed time, and every time I ask myself if it's okay to compete with him Will it help advance the goal?
After doing this kind of self-examination, my mood soon calmed down. Then discuss with him what kind of solutions there are for the problem. Instead of yelling at him as soon as he came, he first understood the situation, understood the reason why it happened, found the root cause, and then solved it. This is the same as the philosophy of "7 Habits of Highly Effective People", you can understand it after you understand it. So, we always have to focus on what the purpose is. Then you can first understand the other party's departure so that the other party can accept your view and move towards the goal.
Fifth, influence lies in doing what you like.
Two fishermen came to the river to fish. Fisherman A likes to eat grapes very much, thinking that since he likes it so much, the fish will like it too, so he uses the grapes as bait to go fishing. As a result, after fishing for a long time, half of the hair was not caught.
Fisherman B also likes to eat grapes, but he does not think like A. He knew that fish liked to eat earthworms, so he caught earthworms as bait, and as soon as the bait entered the water, the fish was hooked immediately.
Although this story tells a simple truth, you have to do what you like. But think about it, do you actually do this in real life?
If your child doesn't love going to school, did you force him to go to school, or did he want to go to school? The other half does not have the habit of saving money. Did you force him to save it, or did he want to save it himself? My sister is very fat. Do you think losing weight is for her own good, but will she lose weight automatically and spontaneously?
There is only one way in which a man can do one thing, and that is to do it himself.
Like I think eating veggies and exercising are important but my girlfriend resists. At this time, I will think from her point of view, what benefits do eating vegetables and exercise bring to her? Anti-aging, maintain youthful vitality, and the skin will become more elastic. So every time I tell her, even though I am a few years older than you, if you don't exercise and eat healthy, soon, the signs of aging will become more and more obvious, and I will become more and more obvious. getting younger. When I go out with you, everyone may think that you are older than me.
Having said that, her pain point was hit by me, and she wanted to be younger than me. Also, start paying attention to developing healthy eating habits.
At this time, we can think again that going to school is very important to our children, but the children do not want to go to school, what should we do?
Instead of forcing him to go to school, let him know how fun and interesting it is to go to school. Let him like it himself.
I think it is important to save money for investment, but I generally have no financial management concept, what should I do?
Instead of forcing him to save money, it is better to understand his desire first, and let him voluntarily save and invest for this goal, isn't it better?
We have to learn to see the world through each other's eyes, see what they see and then align what we want to achieve with what they want so that we can have a real impact and drive others to act.
Sixth, make people feel that he is important, not you.
In 1867, a lady was invited to dinner at the homes of British Prime Minister William Gladstone and former Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli. After the meal, reporters and major newspapers were curious to know which leader this lady likes more.
Then I approached her and asked, how do you evaluate these two leaders?
He told reporters: "After meeting Mr. William, I thought he was the smartest man in Britain. But after meeting Mr. Benjamin, I thought I was the smartest woman in Britain. If it were you, you would Want to chat with Mr. William, or want to chat with Mr. Benjamin? Who makes you feel more important to you?
That's the key to winning friendships and winning others. Make it seem like he's important, not you. I don't mean to call you hypocritical flattery and flattery. I just want you not to always show off how good you are, to care about each other's things, and to give timely appreciation.
When someone is with you, you immediately feel that you value them. When the time comes to deal, cooperate, and negotiate, everything will become more natural.
These are the six inspirations I got from "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Many people will say that Carnegie is chicken soup for the soul, and an inspirational plaything for successful learning, just a pseudoscience. But I think this is the foundation of interpersonal communication that everyone must learn. If you don't understand human nature, how to get along with others.
Those who are always talking about the success of learning for the soul are just an excuse to rationalize their own inaction. After learning these principles of treating people, act immediately and put them into practice, so that there will be real changes in your life.
Reading Notes: How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Study this classic book:
Identifying Human Weaknesses (Self and Others) and How to Change Yourself to Win Friends in Relationships and Influence Others.
Think: What is the problem I am facing? What am I worried about? what should I do? Make a plan and act now.
When encountering problems, don't criticize, accuse, complain, let alone argue.
Women's endless nagging is an important reason for men to run away from home. "Many wives are actually slowly becoming the gravediggers of marriage." If you want a happy family, remember: don't nag!
"All love and good deeds should be fulfilled immediately. Don't hesitate, don't stay. Time is fleeting, time doesn't wait for me, life only happens once."
"Sincerely appreciate and praise others."
Appreciate rather than flatter. Admiration is sincere, unselfish, and admirable, and flattery is hypocritical, selfish, and disgusting.
"A person can put himself in the situation of others and understand the thoughts and activities of others, and he does not need to consider the future prospects."
People are not sages, how can they be flawless? Wasn't his current behavior the result of his experience? If given the choice, he probably didn't want it either.
Always stand in the position of others to plan, imagine, and observe the trend of things from the other's point of view, this will be the key to the turning point of your career.
"Only 15% of a person's success is due to his expertise, and 85% to his ability to express ideas, lead and inspire others."
Three Steps to Worry-Removing and Problem Solving (Carell's All Souls Formula):
- Step 1: I let go of my fears, honestly analyze the situation, and then figure out the worst-case scenario in case of failure.
- Step 2: Having identified a lot of worst-case scenarios that could happen, I dared myself to accept them.
- Step 3: From then on, I calm down and devote my time and energy to improving the problems and difficulties I am facing.
"Use an iron gate to separate the past from the future, and live in a completely independent today."
The best way to prepare for tomorrow is to focus all your wisdom and enthusiasm on doing today's work to the best of your ability.
"The most important thing in life is not to capitalize your earnings. Any fool will do that, what really matters is profiting from your losses. That requires ingenuity, and that's what the wise and the fool do. the difference."
Secrets are a heavy burden on the heart, and hiding what's on your mind will bring long-lasting unease.
Before we commence reading How To Win Friends And Influence People, we should first realize that this book had been written to be used as a textbook for the author's course in Effective Speaking and Human relationship and it is still used today.
So please not categorize this book as a Self-help or Motivational book which often be degraded by those who unceasingly declaim how badly they hate this sort of thing.
Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem we face, especially if you are in business. Those principles can apply to all walks of people.
If you wish to get the most out of this book, there is one indispensable requirement, one essential infinitely more important than any rule or technique. Unless you have this one fundamental requisite, a thousand rules on how to study will avail little.
What is this magic requirement? Just this: a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people.
Once you believe, that works.
“Education,” said the author “is the ability to meet life's situations,"
If by the time you have finished reading the first three chapters of this book- if you aren't then a little better equipped to meet life's situations, then I shall consider this book to be a total failure so far as you are concerned. For “the great aim of education,” said the author, “is not knowledge but action.”
And this is an action book :)
Chapter 1: How to Win Friends Principle
- Principle 1: Never criticize other people
- ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people don't criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be.
- Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment
- Let's realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return or, like the gentle Taft, will say: "I don't see how I could have done any differently from what I have.
- When we feel like criticizing someone, think about this sentence: "I don't see how I could have done any differently from what I have" Judge not, that ye be not judged
- The most sincere advice---Don't blame others, often think over: Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it, But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others - yes, and a lot less dangerous. “Don't complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof,” said Confucius, “ when your own doorstep is unclean.”
- Everyone is a sentient animal: When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
- What we should do: Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism and it breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness. "To know all is to forgive all."
- Principle 2 How to deal with people---Give honest and sincere appreciation
- (It makes sense!) There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it. Remember, there is no other way.
- Everyone has praised: The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between mankind and the animals
- The difference between praise and flattery: The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other is insincere. One comes from the heart out, the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish, the other selfish. One is universally admired, the other universally condemned.
- More heartfelt gratitude, not stingy praise for those we love: When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person's good points, we won't have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth
- Really: Let's cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let's try to figure out the other person's good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise," and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime -repeat them years after you have forgotten them
- Principle 3. Talk about things that people are interested in----Arouse in the other person an eager want
- Talk less about yourself and talk about everyone's interests and interests: So the only way cm earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to get somebody to do something. If, for example, you don't want your children to smoke, don't preach at them, and don't talk about what you want? but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash. (Selling people should learn to see things from other people's points of view)
- If out of reading this book you get just one thing- an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people's point of view and see things from their angle - if you get that one thing out this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career.
- Our purpose is not to manipulate people, but to achieve a win-win situation: Looking at the other person's point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment
Chapter 2: How to make people like you
- Principle 1:Become genuinely interested in other people
- If we want to make friends, let's put ourselves out to do things for other people -things that require time, energy, unselfishness, and thoughtfulness
- If we want to make friends, let's greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the telephone using the same psychology
- Principle 2: Smile often
- Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, "I like you, You make me happy. I am glad to see you." That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them. A baby's smile has the same effect
- A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.”Your smile is a messenger of your goodwill. Your smile is a messenger of your goodwill. a smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl, or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. Especially when someone is under pressure from his bosses, his customers, his teachers or parents, or children, a smile can help him realize that all is not hopeless -that there is joy in the world.
- Principle 3: Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. A person's toothache means more to that person than a famine in China that kills a million people. A boil on one's neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation.
- Principle 5: Talk about the feelings of others Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
- Principle 6: Recognize the other person's strengths and importance to oneself (Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely)
The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely. Remember what Emerson said: "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.
Chapter 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
- Principle 1: Avoid arguing with people, because you will never win
This, I think it's still a matter of method, but it's better to avoid it as much as possible. Because it doesn't make any sense! :) The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
You can't win an argument. You can't because if you lose it, you lose it, and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot This argument full of holes and prove that he is noncompos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And A man convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still
If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes, but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent's goodwill.
suggestions on how to deal with arguments:
A different opinion is helpful: Welcome the disagreement. Remember the slogan, “When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.” If there is some point you haven't thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.
Two: (Don't trust your first instinctive impression--applies to dissent) Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best
Three: (Control your temper) Control your temper. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry. Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Don't build higher barriers to misunderstanding.
Four: Look for areas of agreement. When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas in which
Five: Be honest: Be honest, Look for areas where you can admit errors and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your
opponents and reduce defensiveness.
Six: Promise to think over your opponent's ideas and study them carefully. And mean it. Your opponents may be right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: "We tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen."
Seven: Thank your opponents: Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
Eight: Give time to each other (very important, many times when you look back, you will feel stupid and unnecessary Arguing about this problem, but also from the other side, it's really meaningless to argue with people) Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem
- Principle 2: Don't tell others that you are smarter than them
This paragraph is philosophical, don't prove yourself smarter than others, even if you know, don't tell him
that is a challenge. It arouses opposition and makes the listener want to battle with you before you even start. It is difficult, under even the most benign conditions, to change people's minds. So why make it harder? Why handicap yourself? If you are going to prove anything, don't let anybody know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it.
This was expressed succinctly by Alexander Pope: Men must be taught as if you taught them not And things unknown are proposed as things forgotten.
Over three hundred years ago Galileo said: You cannot teach a man anything? you can only help him to find it within himself.
As Lord Chesterfield said to his son: Be wiser than other people if you can? but do not tell them so.
(The courage to admit mistakes is the best) You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. That will stop all arguments and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open and broad-minded as you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too, maybe wrong
- Principle 3: Have the courage to admit
when we are right, let's try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong and that will be surprisingly often if we are honest with ourselves - let's admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm. Not only will that technique produce astonishing results? but, believe it or not, it is a lot more fun, under the circumstances, than trying to defend oneself.
Remember the old proverb: "By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected."
- Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way.
- Principle 5: Get the other person to say “yes, yes”
- Principle 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
(here and above It's a bit repetitive, in fact, there are many principles in common)
- Principle 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
Carnegie is a China expert, he quoted a lot of ancient Chinese proverbs and things from the Tao Te Ching:
" The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, put himself below them, wishing to be before them, he put himself behind them. Thus, though his place is above men, they do not feel his weight, though his place is before them, they do not count it an injury."
Chapter 4 How to Win the Approval of Others
- Rule 1: In a debate, the only way to get the most out of it is to avoid it.
- "Always avoid head-on conflict!", "Don't argue"
- Franklin: "If you argue and refute, maybe you will win, but that victory is short-lived and empty... You will never get the favor given to you by the other party. "
- Rule number two: Respect other people's opinions and never accuse them of being wrong.
- Rule 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and solemnly.
- Rule 4: Start with a friendly approach.
- Rule 5: Make the other person answer "Yes! Yes!" quickly.
- The sixth rule: try to give the other party as many opportunities to speak.
- Seventh Rule: Make the other party think it's his idea.
- Rule No. 8: See things from the perspective of others with sincerity.
- Rule 9: Empathize with the other person's thoughts and desires.
- Rule 10: Stimulate higher motives.
- Rule 11: Dramatize your thoughts.
- Rule 12: Present a challenge.
Chapter 5 How to Better Persuade Others
- Rule 1: Start with compliments and genuine appreciation.
- Rule 2: Indirectly point out people's mistakes.
- Rule 3: Before criticizing the other person, talk about your own faults.
- Rule 4: When asking questions, don't use direct commands.
- The fifth rule: take care of each other's faces.
- Rule 6: Praise the tiniest progress, and praise every progress.
- Rule 7: Give people a good name for him to keep.
- The eighth rule: Use encouragement to make the mistakes you want to correct seem easy to do, and to make the things you want the other person to do seem easy to do.
- Rule 9: Make people happy to do what you suggest.
Chapter 6 Make Your Home Life Happy and Happy
- Rule 1: don't babble.
- Rule 2: don't try to transform your partner.
- Rule 3: Don't criticize arbitrarily.
- Rule 4: Give sincere appreciation.
- Rule 5: Always pay attention to the little things, the little things.
- Rule 6: Be polite.
- Rule 7: Read a good book on sex in marriage.
Chapter 7 How to Make You More Mature
- 1. Dare to take responsibility, don't make excuses and reasons.
- 2. Face up to difficulties and misfortunes, and constantly improve and perfect yourself.
- 3. Appreciate and like yourself, you are unique.
- 4. Reject blind obedience, and have your own independent ideas and opinions.
- 5. Pay attention to giving, know how to care for others, and love others.
Chapter 8 Out of a lonely and worried life
- 1. Say goodbye to self-pity, get to know, and make new friends more.
- 2. Worry-free: Accept the worst first; then analyze what are you worried about? and what to do? Make a plan and act now.
Carell's All Souls Formula:
- Step 1: I give up my fears, honestly analyze the whole situation, and then figure out the worst-case scenario in case of failure.
- Step 2: Having identified a lot of worst-case scenarios that could happen, I dared myself to accept them.
- Step 3: From then on, I calm down and devote my time and energy to improving the problems and difficulties I am facing.
Chapter 9 A story away from work and money troubles
- Spending money is planned, refuse to waste, refuse to make ends meet.
Chapter 10: The Story of Preventing Fatigue and Staying Healthy
- Gain vitality from rest
- Learn to relax and relieve fatigue
- Speak your mind
- Secrets are a heavy burden on your heart, and hiding your mind will bring long-term anxiety.
- Overcome depression
- Don't worry about insomnia Worrying about insomnia will hurt you far more than insomnia itself.
"Sleep is like being born in the world, and waking up is entering the world."
Open-minded, open-minded, and open-minded; open-minded and generous; affordable and let go; underestimated fame and fortune, indifferent to life...
The realm of sleeping is actually being a human being's boundaries, boundaries of life.
If this book is only regarded as an inspirational book, a successful study, it is really a pity,
A classic worthy of repeated reading, the most important thing is to practice the above principles, remember: "This is an action book."
Short Comments: How to Win Friends and Influence People
The following contents are all from the book "How to Win Friends And Influence People" written by Dale Carnegie. I suggest everyone buy it and read it. It is a very good book and very helpful to yourself.
1. The basic skills of interpersonal communication
- Do not criticize, condemn, or complain.
- Give sincere praise to the Lord.
- Stimulate the desire of others.
2. Six ways to make people like you
- Genuinely care about others.
- Remember, a person's name is the sweetest and most important sound he hears in all languages.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Determine your topic according to the interests of others.
- Make the other person feel that he is important—do it sincerely.
3. How to win people's approval
- The only way to win an argument is to avoid it.
- Respect the opinions of others and never say "you are wrong".
- If you are wrong, please admit it immediately and sincerely.
- Start in a friendly way.
- Have the other person answer "yes, yes" right away.
- Let others speak a lot.
- Let others feel that the idea belongs to him or them.
- Try to see things sincerely from the point of view of others.
- Empathize with the thoughts and desires of others.
- Stimulate noble motives.
- Dramatically express your ideas.
- Present a challenge.
4. Be a wise leader
- Start with praise and sincere appreciation.
- Euphemistically point out the mistakes of others.
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing others.
- Use questions instead of direct commands.
- Save face for others.
- Praise every slightest improvement. Be "keen to compliment and be generous with your compliments."
- Give others a good name they are willing to pursue.
- Use encouragement. Make mistakes seem easy to correct.
- Make people happy to do what you suggest.
Conclusion of How to Win Friends and Influence Others
[Good psychology can prevent the occurrence of family conflicts] Family conflicts are like lumps, and if they are not handled properly, they will lead to tragedies. The main reason for family conflicts is the unequal status of husband and wife.
The status of husband and wife always fluctuates around love and family. Sometimes the wife is a little more tolerant, and sometimes the husband takes a step back. This should be the normal state of husband and wife status.